My Dad

There are so many things I could write about my dad, I don’t even know where to start! My dad and I have always had a very special relationship. Growing up, my dad and I did many things together. But dad made sure it wasn’t just things he wanted to do. He has always made an effort to show interest in and support the things I love. I have tried to do the same with the things he loves, one of those things being hunting. I remember the first time my dad took me hunting. My mom, being the “worry wart” that she is, did not want me to freeze out in the cold and, in turn, piled on the clothes. I had on more layers than Aunt Sherri’s 7 layer salad! It was all I could do to breathe, much less walk. I couldn’t even talk because of the scarves and hats. Dad walked in the room, ready to go, and I just stood there with tears streaming down my face. Then, mom decided to peel a few layers off so I didn’t look so much like the Michelin man. So, hunting isn’t exactly my thing, but I had, and still have, a great time just being with my dad. The most recent hunting trip my dad and I took last season was also a memorable one. Not because we got a big buck, but rather, a big laugh. It was just dad and me on this occasion. I tried to convince my sister, Sarah, to go but she had already gotten a deer and insisted that it was my turn. So off we went into the woods. Dad and I had been sitting in the shooting house for about an hour. Just sitting, waiting and watching. The sun was setting and it was starting to get a little darker. Everything was quiet when, all of a sudden, this bird flew into the shooting house through the small opening right behind my head. Well, of course, I screamed and commenced to flailing and flapping my arms all around until the bird flew back out. Dad looked over at me like I’d lost my mind, and with an alarmed expression, I replied, “A bird just flew in here!” Well, I didn’t really know if he was going to be mad or not, but when he burst out in laughter, we both just sat there and laughed.  Needless to say, after all the commotion, we didn’t see very much wildlife, but Dad didn’t seem to mind. 

One example of Dad making an effort to do things that I enjoy would be our annual trip to the Holiday Market. I can remember Dad checking me out of kindergarten early to take me to the Holiday Market in Montgomery. I thought it was the coolest thing to get out of nap time to go shopping with Dad.  My dad is NOT a shopper and isn’t the type to go shopping with mom for clothes or groceries or anything! But when dad took me to the Holiday Market, just us two, it made me feel more special than I’m sure he ever imaged. We have gone to the Holiday Market every year since, and I feel so proud and special walking around a civic center full of ladies with my dad.

Another example is when I started to bake and sell “Hannah Banana Bread.” I was about eleven or twelve years old when I began baking banana bread. My dad helped me print labels to put on them that said, “Hannah Banana Bread” and helped me by selling them to the secretaries at his office. He encouraged my hard work and one time asked me to bake banana bread at church for one of the meetings he was chairing. I brought all my ingredients to the church, mixed everything up and put it in the oven to bake during the first half of the meeting. When I took the bread out, it looked perfect, but I cut into it and it was runny mush. The ovens at the church were much different than mine and it cooked the bread too fast. I was so upset and began crying when dad came into the kitchen to see if the bread was ready (I really don’t cry that often!). He was nothing but compassionate and understanding. I was afraid he would be frustrated that he didn’t have anything to serve at the meeting, but he assured me that it was no big deal. After the meeting, he took me to the mall to a music store and we each bought a CD. I remember buying an Alan Jackson CD. Dad and I deemed “Living on Love” by Alan Jackson our song a long time ago. I’m not sure exactly why or when we decided it would be our song, but every time I hear it, I think of my Dad.

I could go on and on with stories about my dad and me, but there simply isn’t enough room to do so.  It’s so cliché, but it really is the little things that mean the most. The little things that my dad has done, and continues to do, make him a great father and role model. When he shows up at my work to bring me lunch or just to say “hey,” or the little notes he leaves for me, or when he sends me a postcard, even though I live with him, or when he takes the time to talk to me or listen when I need to talk, or when he comes to a midget ballgame to see me coach a bunch of little cheerleaders for twenty minutes, or when he calls me sugar and tells me he loves me every night and I know that he really means it with all of his heart.

Two of my dad’s favorite heroes, I guess you would say, are John Wayne and Robert E. Lee. My dad reminds me of both of these men. Like Robert E. Lee, my dad is wise, courageous, loyal and a true gentleman. Like John Wayne, he is strong, blunt, stern, and he definitely has grit! But the most important trait found in my dad will outlast all the good times, memories and other honorable attributes. He is the godliest man I know. I don’t know many people who can say that about their father, but my dad lives the life of a true follower of Jesus Christ. When someone talks about seeing Jesus lived out in someone’s life, that’s my dad. Of course he has flaws, as does everyone, but in everything he does, he genuinely seeks to follow the Lord. He aims to honor the Lord in everything he says and does. Every morning, when I see his pen, journal and Bible on the table where he had his devotions a few hours before, I am reminded of the great man that I am so privileged to be able to call my dad.

More than just family

I am now into my senior year of college and I am still living at home with my whole family. This doesn't seem that odd to me because most of my friends still live at home with their parents too. I suppose I'll move out eventually, but I'm in no hurry. This may make me sound like a girl who has no boyfriend, likes to hang out with her parents on Friday nights, and plays board games with the family for fun. And this would be completely true. =) I used to be a lot more concerned with my image and what people thought about me, but now I am coming to realize the most important things in life are right in front of me. My family has become one of my favorite groups of friends. Now, of course, I still have work friends, school friends and best friends that I enjoy hanging out with all the time, but if I ever find I'm at home on a weekend with nothing to do, it's perfectly fine with me because my family is there! I used to wish so badly that I had some friends to get an apartment with so I could move out. And, while that would be fun and I wouldn't mind doing that one day, I am in no rush to move out. I now realize that once I move out, I most likely won't move back in with my parents...EVER! So, since I've got the rest of my life to be on my own, I'm perfectly fine with living at home and enjoying the company of my family while we're all still living together. And that leads me to the point of this blog post. My family's birthdays are all very close together. My dad's- September 18; my mom's - September 27; my brother's - September 30; and my sister's - October 14. I have decided to write a blog post about each of them on their birthday, just describing how I feel about each one of them. I take so many things for granted and too often overlook the many blessings God has given me. God has blessed me with a wonderful family and I couldn't have hand picked a better one!

Change

Bethlehem Family Camp Meeting has always been a big part of my life. I’ve been going since I was born and always look forward to it every year. When I was younger I would count down the days until camp all year long. It’s a time of relaxation, drawing closer to the Lord, and enjoying time with friends. I’ve always felt a sense of ownership in the camp. My great grandparents gave the land for the camp and my family on my mom’s side makes up a big part of the camp meeting attendance. I always feel closest to the Lord when I’m at camp meeting, and the feeling I feel when I first step onto the campground year after year is a feeling I cannot explain. But year after year, things change. I grow older, friends come and go, and the older I get, the more I realize that things will never be the same. That realization gives me a deep sadness that is unexplainable. It’s more than sadness though; it’s as if I’ve lost a good friend forever. I think back on the memories and I long to relive those days; the days when life was much simpler. This year my family and I went to Bethlehem Camp for just one night. I wanted to go to camp, but I hate how camp reminds me of change and how things will continue to change. As much as I wanted to enjoy camp this year, I had to fight off the feeling that something was missing. I have the relentless longing to go back to the days in the Sonseekers and youth program. It’s ironic how back then I couldn’t wait to grow up; Now that I’m older, I want to go back. I guess now I realize that my problems back then are nothing compared to problems when you grow older, and become an adult. Maybe it isn’t change that I don’t like, but the fact that things in my life have not turned out exactly how I’d imagined they would. The changes are not what I expected them to be. I’ve come to a point in my life where I don’t know what to expect the future to be like…and honestly, it scares me. I know if I trust in the Lord, He will guide me every step of the way. But not knowing what to expect when moving forward is kind of nerve-wracking. With everything and everyone changing around me and everyone going in different directions, it’s easy to get confused and discouraged. I know that I should not spend so much time and energy, looking back, but it’s just so hard for me to accept change and move on. I’ve always had a problem dealing with change. Even when I was younger and couldn’t wait to grow up, I still had an attachment to the past. I remember when I turned eight years old, I told my dad that I was just going to stay eight forever. I thought eight was a good age and I didn’t really want to grow up. I remember when the first new addition to our church was being built. I was probably ten or eleven years old. They had to change part of the old portion of the church to build the new addition and I didn’t like it one bit! I remember talking about it with my choir director, Mrs. Diane, who I looked up to very much. She told me that she was sad that the church wouldn’t be the same, but the change was necessary for our church to grow and that was good because more people would come to know the Lord. It wasn’t too long after the new addition that Mrs. Diane and her husband, Byron, moved away and that was even harder for me to deal with. The summer before my senior year of high school, my youth pastor at my church was replaced. I was extremely close to him and this change came without any warning. To this day, it’s still hard for me to go to church without thinking of my days in youth with him and my close friends, who mostly have all moved away. So, I would definitely say I have an issue with change. Sometimes I worry about how I’m going to deal with the not-so-pleasant changes of growing old. I know that’s far down the road, but I have bad feeling that I won’t handle it well. Change is an inevitable occurrence in life, and I’ve got to learn to deal with it. Ecclesiastes 7:10 says, “Do not say, ‘Why were the old days better than these?’ For it is not wise to ask such questions.” God does not intend for us to live in the past or long for it. He has plans for our future and I need to learn to look forward to what He has in store for my future as I daily walk with Him. There is one thing I know for sure will never change. In Hebrews 13:8 it says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today, and forever.” Jesus is never changing. He is always the same and will always be the same. How cool is that? I serve a Savior that will never change! When I get depressed or sad about everything and everyone changing around me, all I have to do is go to my Savior, and He will be there. Just like He always has been and always will be. And when I go to places where Jesus’ presence abides, like Bethlehem Camp and my church, I need to remember that the reason I go to these places is to worship my God and to learn more about Him. And He hasn’t changed one bit! I shouldn’t be sad, but rejoice in the fact that my Savior is constant. Psalm 102:27 says, “But you remain the same, and your years will never end.” What an amazing truth! My God isn’t going anywhere and never, ever will!

So, I’m going to try and focus on the future and what the Lord has in store for me. I have missed out on many things already because I let my emotions control my thoughts and actions. I’m going to give the Holy Spirit a chance to lead me before my sentimentality gets the best of me! My happiness should not depend on the constancy of the people or places in my life. God’s will for me (and every Christian!) is to follow after Him. And if that’s what I’m doing, I will find contentment and happiness. True happiness.

it still hurts

sometimes i feel like noone really understands me. i feel like im always holding in my real feelings. it's like i try so hard to appear strong in front of everyone else and after a while, when it all builds up, i just explode (when im alone of course). i just don't want to seem weak or be that "woe is me" type of person. i think people forget that some hurt and pain takes longer to heal than others. and some doesn't heal at all. I just get mad when my friends assume that I'm O.K. and don't bother asking how I'm really doing. I know they don't mean to overlook my feelings, but I'm not the type to just talk about my problems without being asked. sometimes even then i just say "i'm fine" because it's easier to pretend i'm fine. but then when someone else talks about their problems, i just want to say, "well that's nothing compared to what i go through!" i guess everybody wants some sympathy sometime....i just wish that i didn't have to complain about my problems to get it!

Right things, wrong reasons

Mom and I just joined a women’s bible study on Sunday night at our church. We went last Sunday for the first time. We didn’t have our book yet so Mrs. Barbara (the group leader) made us copies of the first week’s lessons. We said that we would get our books and have them by next Sunday’s meeting. Mom and I also signed up to cook the meal for our next meeting. Little did we know that the coming week would be a very long and hectic week!

One of my best friends’ mom, Lisa Wilson, went to the hospital Monday with bleeding on her brain and found out she had an inoperable mass in her brain. She was in the hospital from Monday until Thursday when they released her. She will begin radiation treatments next week. I was not physically able to do anything because I had to either work or go to school Monday through Saturday, but my thoughts and prayers were with my best friend’s family all week. Mom went to the hospital to see Mrs. Lisa on Tuesday and planned to go Thursday but was pleasantly surprised to hear that the hospital had released her.

My dad has also been sick with bronchitis this entire past week. So, needless to say, my mom and I completely forgot to get a book for our Bible study and did not even think about the supper we agreed to make. Around two o’clock this afternoon as I was heading to my room for my Sunday afternoon nap, I remembered that we had to make supper for the group. I told mom and she said exactly what I figured she would: “Oh my gosh! I completely forgot!” We decided to go to Wal-Mart before church and get something to throw together. On our way to Wal-Mart, we planned who would run get what, as not to waste any time because we were already running late. Sarah ran (and when I say ran, I really mean ran) to get some tea. I ran to get something sweet, and mom went to get the meat for sandwiches (I think mom’s running days are over). We finally got checked out and on our way to church after rushing through Wal-mart for about thirty minutes.

When we got to church, we ran to the kitchen to prepare everything, then ran upstairs to our meeting room and set it all out. In the process, I left my purse in the kitchen, which has our copy of the week’s lesson in it. After everyone eats and things get started, mom and I realize that we don’t have our copy of the lesson or our Bibles. The only thing we were thinking about, as we ran out the door, was the supper. Not the fact that we were going to a Bible study and might need our Bibles! To make matters worse, Mrs. Barbara mentions that Mrs. Carol is just joining us tonight for the first time and just got her book this afternoon to which Carol responds, “Oh, but I’ve gotten today’s lesson completed.” I look at mom with a huge smile on my face and it took all my energy to keep from dying laughing. Mom and I had copies of the past week’s lesson but hadn’t even looked at it. Mrs. Carol just got her book and was already ahead of us!

As Mom and I sat there in the Bible study tonight, the only ladies without Bibles or books, I realized that we had gotten way off track. We had focused so little on the Bible study. We were too busy with our daily lives to sit down and let the Lord speak to us. I signed up for the Bible study simply because I thought it would look bad if I didn’t. I am currently the Young Adult Coordinator for our church. Since I couldn’t get a group started for young adults, I felt obligated to join another group. It wasn’t until tonight that I realized, I have been doing so many things (most of them good) all for the wrong reasons.

I haven’t been taking enough time to really listen to what it is God wants me to do. Instead, I’ve just been doing what I think He would have me do.

a new semester, a new year

Along with a new year, also comes a new semester of college: the second semester of my junior year. I can't believe I'm over half way through with college! I feel I have grown in so many ways since I first started college. Going off to Mobile to college my freshman year helped me learn how to be independent, but I also learned how much I loved my family and how important they are to me. I spent my second year of college trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life! The year 2010,however, I believe I grew more than any other. I learned how much I needed God in my life and how little I depended on Him before. I discovered that I will never experience true happiness unless I am following the Lord. As long as I am running from Him, I will always feel like something is missing. If I'm in the Lord's will, nothing else matters. Trust Him, and He does the rest. It's just that simple. Of course, that is easier said than done. I'm still learning that saying I trust in Him and truly trusting in the Lord are two completely different things. But when I do really trust in God and give Him the reins, He has never let me down. Now, as this new year has just begun, I am looking forward to what the Lord will do in my life as I begin to trust in Him more. I don't want to run from Him. I am going to start running TO Him from now on. And as fast as possible! I want to start living the life that God planned for me, because that is the best life. And I am going to really need His help this semester! I am taking 17 hours including the dreaded Spanish 2 and my clinical practicum! I have no earthly idea what I am doing, but I've got to start doing it on Tuesday when I have my first client! It's going to be a hectic and stressful semester to say the least. But I know the Lord will get me through it, just like He got me through last year.

Fall

Fall is absolutely my favorite season and over the years I have decided that October is my favorite month of the year. October is when we feel the first cool breeze. That first hint of fall is indescribably refreshing after a long hot summer. You can smell it in the air. The leaves begin changing colors and falling to the ground. It’s funny how the death of something can be so enchanting. Sunsets are one of my favorite things and they are most remarkable in the fall. They seem to be more vibrant and beautiful. Deep oranges, hot pinks and warm reds fill the evening October skies. Looking down my dirt road and seeing the gorgeous sunset up above my great-granddad’s old barn gives me a peace and comfort that is like no other. I just love to see the artwork God shares with us in the sky at the end of the day. I do not understand how anyone could experience such a magnificent thing and not believe that there is a Creator. Many people love spring because nature is coming alive and new growth is seen everywhere, but the colors of autumn and the sights, smells and feelings it brings, to me, are better than any other.

The activities and traditions that take place in the fall bring families together and make it an even more exciting time of the year. Football season is back and there is nothing like going to a college football game on a Saturday afternoon. With the weather getting cooler, being outside tailgating and cheering on your favorite team brings family and friends together for entertainment and competitive fun. And, of course, there is nothing more important in the south than Alabama and Auburn football!

The fair is another tradition that is enjoyed by many families, including mine. My family has always enjoyed going to the Alabama National Fair every year in October. My dad follows in my great-grandmother’s footsteps and enters different crafts and homemade items into the fair’s creative living center. My sister has grown to love entering drawings and paintings. I just enjoy the smell of the fair. As soon as I walk into the fair, I start to smell the many different scents and am reminded that fall is here. It just gives me a good feeling. I can smell the corn dogs, popcorn, cotton candy and funnel cakes. Lights from the different rides fill the midway as evening falls and the ferris wheel lights can be seen from miles around. I try and stay away from the livestock area because those smells aren’t quite as pleasant. Of course, seeing the swimming pigs is always a thrill and the circus never ceases to amaze me. My family and I always spend a good deal of time walking through the creative living center. We take our time as we look for the items we entered to see if any of us won a ribbon. The time spent at the fair with family and friends is carefree and rejuvenating.

Camping is another activity that is extremely enjoyable in the fall. My family loves to camp; however, as my parents have gotten older, they’ve learned that recovering from sleeping on the hard ground is not as easy as it once was. I do remember many hikes through the mountains in the fall with my family. The weather is perfect and the trees fill the forests with orange, brown and red hues. Sitting around a campfire at night roasting marshmallows for smores is one of my favorite parts of camping. It gets cool enough at night to be able to huddle around the campfire. Something about a group of people circled around a campfire somehow draws the group closer to one another.

The Holiday Market is an event that takes place in October every year in Montgomery. Venders from all around come and set up booths in the Montgomery civic center. There are novelty items, food, clothing, gifts, and Christmas decorations. My dad first took me to the Holiday Market when I was in Kindergarten. I remember him checking me out of class in the middle of nap time. I was so excited because I hated nap time and thought I was so cool to get to leave while everyone else had to sleep. My dad and I have been attending the Holiday Market for about fourteen years now. I love going to the Holiday Market with my dad because it’s really the only time out of the year that my dad and I ever go shopping together and we have a ball!

At the end of the month of October is an exciting and spooky holiday. Halloween has always been fun for me and my family. After summer coming to an end, we all need a holiday to bring some festivity back into the everyday routine. Of course, we do not celebrate Halloween as Satan’s holiday or take part in any form of devil worship. My family simply uses Halloween as a day to let go and have fun; and maybe pull a few pranks on each other. Many times we have a bonfire and a hayride. We usually go to our church’s fall festival and participate in the activities held there. For me, Halloween is a time for creativity, fun, celebrating the fall season and lots and lots of candy!

Also, October is a special month to me because thirteen years ago, on the fourteenth of this month my sister was born. My sister and I have grown closer over the past few years – closer than I’d ever really expected. I remember thinking what it would be like having a sister, but now I can’t imagine my life without her.

October is the precursor to the festive Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. It is the last signs of summer and the faint whispers of winter. While the memories of summer are still fresh in our minds, the excitement and anticipation for the holidays keeps us from longing for summer to remain. The aspect I love about fall is how I can see and feel God through the marvelous natural world around me; but perhaps my most favorite feature of the fall season is seeing the harvest moon for the first time each year. It never ceases to amaze me. All of a sudden, without any notice, the moon will appear ten times the size it normally does. This enormous orange moon will suddenly fill the sky before me. It seems so close I almost want to reach out and touch it. But then, just as abruptly as it appeared, the moon returns to normal size as if it had been that way all along. This awesome sight reminds me that my God is more powerful and mighty than I often give Him credit for. I serve a God who made the earth I live in and the universe around the earth. Simply seeing the harvest moon helps me realize that my God is watching over me and has not forgotten about me. Just like He gives us the bright sunshine for the summer, He gives us the harvest moon for the fall. My God will never leave or forsake us and His perfectly aligned seasons are just one way that show His meticulous and abounding love for us.